You know age is catching up with you when your friends begin having bridal showers!. Once upon a time it was Sunday school, little ballerina dressers, play dates and then suddenly, it is proposals, engagements, bridal showers, weddings, babies. When did we grow up?! When did this happen?. Meanwhile, is it just me or does there seem to be a wedding bug running around? Everyone seems to be getting married.
Okay, enough of the banter. Let’s get right into the post.
This post was inspired by the first ever bridal shower I attended a while ago and a conversation I had with Komusana
I’m made to understand that the typical Ugandan style bridal shower is basically a lunch or dinner or whatever the organisers decided it should be, with some games here and there, some dancing and girly fun and a senga (“senga” means Aunty. Usually an older married woman is brought to talk to the bride to be about marriage) who sort of counsels the bride before her big day. Now let’s hold it right there and talk about the “senga” since this was the center of our conversation.
A senga can be anybody as long as she is experienced in the marriage department. So, this lady’s role is basically to tell the bride to be how to go about marriage. The nature of advise you’ll get will totally depend on who the senga is. I guess it’s right to say that the nature of advise is influenced by various things like the character of the senga, her religious beliefs, traditional beliefs, her experiences, her way of life etc.
I’ve attended just one bridal shower but I’ve listened to people who have attended quite a number, and I’ve heard tons of stories about these senga episodes in bridal showers. The common denominator in all these stories is that their advice centers around sex and how the bride to be can bring her “A game” to the bedroom. From the stories I’ve heard, depending on who the senga is, you will be told that your role as a woman is to make your man happy and keep your marriage going. How? By being on top of your game in the bedroom. She will then go ahead to give you all sorts of sex “tips and tricks” that will enable you have him all to yourself. Komusana told me that a senga once said that a man is not meant to be for only one woman, therefore your bedroom game should be lit inorder to outshine the other women in his life. Then she went ahead to tell them what to do in the bedroom in order to keep him all to yourself.
Now, here’s the question.
Are the senga episodes in Ugandan bridal showers over sexualised?
I’m not married but from what I’ve heard, sex is a very important aspect of marriage. Great. And we need to hear about sex and about all the good stuff that it brings to marriage. However, I don’t think just sex alone can sustain a marriage. I’d like to think there is more to maintaining a marriage than being a tigress in the bedroom. I also believe there is a whole lot of other stuff a bride to be should learn about marriage. For example; how to go about finances, in-laws, family conflict, sharing responsibility, when children come, juggling career and family, etc. There is too much to learn. Why is 90% of the advise dedicated to sex? Chances are, this bride to be may even already know what to do in the bedroom. Even if she doesn’t, how about portion the advise equally such that we have the bride getting all information pertaining to marriage and not just sex.
At the end of the day, the sex is done, and then we are snapped back to the reality of the other challenges in marriage that your top notch sex skills can’t fix. Are we equipped enough to handle these challenges? Shouldn’t the sengas drill more of this knowledge into us?
Luckily for me, the one bridal shower I’ve attended was educative, considering the ladies who spoke to us touched every aspect from finances, career, in-laws, responsibility, sex etc. So, I’ve not had the typical “senga experience” yet. However, I’m looking forward to my first one. Loll. It won’t hurt to listen to a senga graphically go on and on about bringing your A game to the bedroom. Would it? I think I would have a good laugh out of it and also still learn something.
So, how are you? Have you attended a bridal shower before? What was the “senga” experience like? How do you go about bridal showers where you come from? Share in the comments section.
Have a great day!.