Advise to self. · Atim says · Blogging 101 · friends · just mercy · Law school musings · Lessons · the word

On Self Love and Opinions.

Note to self…. Source : Google Images

After the post I wrote on vanity, I got two comments that are the inspiration for this post. One was from my friend LIZ, the other was from a lady called NALWANGA. Both of them were appalled by the events that occurred in the story I told you about person X. I was going to reply them individually, but I decided why not just write a blog post instead? The funny thing is I’ve always wanted to write about self love but the post was just failing to come through, until these two comments happened. So Liz and Nalwanga, thanks for inspiring this post. This one is for you two. 
I won’t say anything about self-love that has not already been talked about. 

Liz and Nalwanga’s point was “what was person X’s business with the number of pictures I took and why I took them? Why shouldn’t we be allowed to love ourselves in ways we deem fit? Is self love bad?”

Let’s start by defining what self love is. 

Self love is regard for one self, or love for oneself. 

This does not necessarily translate to vanity. Saying we shouldn’t love ourselves because it is vanity is obnoxious. Love yourself! Look good, spoil yourself, show up for yourself. It all starts with you! And doing that is not vanity. It is just being a normal human being who loves him/herself. My personal opinion is that no one is obligated to love you.

Source : Google Images

When we live life like people owe us their love, we become entitled. And then start going kuku when no one is minding you. But the thing is we need to love ourselves first, because you will be shocked and disappointed if you are hoping to rely on the world for love. As Nalwanga said “if I don’t love myself in this society that profits off of people hating everything about themselves, who will love me?” This statement stood out for me because truthfully, we live in a sick society, where practicing self-love is one sure way to be happy. 

Source : Google Images

Also, even love for others starts with a love for your self. 

Source : Google Images

You can’t give what you don’t have. The Bible says in the book of Matthew 22:39 that “love your neighbor as you love yourself”   If you don’t see the best in yourself, how will you see the best in others?. If you think you are not worth anything, how will you see the worth and value in others? If you dont care about yourself, how will you care about others? You have to have it to give it. We really need to learn to cultivate a habit of self-love.
Like I’d said, there’s nothing new I can add to the topic of self-love, that hasn’t been said already.

Now about opinions…
LIZ and NALWANGA also talked about trying to put people down with our opinions/comments, or trying to dictate what people should/should not do.

Here’s is my opinion on that. And mark you, I’m not doing this from a place of self righteousness.

I feel like if you are not giving constructive criticism, or if something clearly does not affect you in ANY way, or you are not in a position to effect change in someone’s life with your opinions, please let people be. 

Source : Google Images

I know we like to put our opinions across. Everyone is really opinionated but it’s not everytime that we have to give our opinions on things, especially if no one ASKED for them. Otherwise we would never stop talking because believe me, EVERYONE has an opinion about EVERYTHING. We (me inclusive) need to learn to watch from a distance sometimes and just be quiet, especially if by airing out your opinion, you’ll really just be poking your nose into something that does not concern you.
I was with a friend yesterday and we happened to be around a classmate of ours. Because our graduation is drawing close, the conversation around is graduation talk. So while talking about something, my friend reminded this particular person about the day she was telling her and a bunch of other people what outfits not to wear on graduation day because they are ugly. Hahaha. This was hilarious (literally. We were just having girly chit chat and it wasn’t confrontational in anyway). So her list ranged from long dresses, to kitenge (ankara) (this one got me because kitenge is dear to my heart. Hahah), to black dresses, to round dresses, etc and the whole time I was simply looking at her in awe! And much as it was funny, and we were laughing, I couldn’t help but wonder, Really?! Are you really spending time thinking about and policing what people are going to wear. So because she included kitenge to her list, I decided to chip in by saying because she feels she can’t pull off a beautiful kitenge/long dress/black dress/round dress outfit doesn’t mean everyone can’t, and it wasn’t right for her to be telling my friend that she would look like a ghost on grad because she had planned on wearing black yet the gown is black too. Hahaha. (See, this conversation was funny) She didn’t agree, and as usual, I’m not one to stay in an argument I’m not supposed to be having. So that ended there and we moved on to other things. 

Source: Google Images

As I was writing this post, that came back to my mind and I decided to share it. Sometimes our opinions are not useful at all, sometimes they are not constructive, sometimes the are not up lifting, sometimes they just cause unnecessary arguments, drama and chaos, sometimes they really affect peoples feelings in ways we wouldn’t know, and all this just because we want to give opinions about everything. And most times, No one has even asked for them. It is okay to be quiet. Its okay to see/hear something and air out our opinions in our heads and move on.

With that said, I’m done. As usual, share your opinions in the comments section. I always like to hear from you.

Have a great weekend!.

Atim.โค

Advertisements

13 thoughts on “On Self Love and Opinions.

  1. Eh eh lol… So now we shouldnt also wear certain clothes because some people out there dont like them??… Wow…
    Actually on that note… AM wearing a kitengi and ill add on sumn black n round.. Generally a combination of the three things this person (whoever she is) says shdnt be worn on grad day..
    Its my day yo.. Lemme wear what I have.. Ill still receive my transcript and my name will be read either way, esp when AM in a kitengi… These are the same girls who think acting stupid around guys makes them look cute n pretty…

    OK that aside… Mercy, lemme first say ur welcome.. Hihi… Glad my anger towards person x inspired you to write this really beautiful post… Gurl ur good!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. About what you’ll wear for grad… This is one of the funniest comments I’ve read. Hahaha. And thanks too for inspiring this post, for reading and commenting.

      Like

  2. Quotin u ofcos… ” I ย feel like if you are not giving constructive criticism, or if something clearly does not affect you in ANY way, or you are not in a position to effect change in someoneโ€™s life with your opinions, please let people be.ย ”
    I totally concur with this 100%.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. “because she feels she canโ€™t pull off a beautiful kitenge/long dress/black dress/round dress outfit doesnโ€™t mean everyone canโ€™t,” haha, these in a way are the outcomes of people not feeling confident enough to do somethings, dress a certain way, take certain pictures, you name it. They start to reflect their own insecurities on those around them, talking about how no one can ever look good in a black dress at graduation because they think they cannot pull one off themselves. The truth is, we all struggle with self love at one point or another, God knows I’ve struggled to accept my fat legs all my life, but it’s selfish if we try to reflect our insecurities on others by policing other people’s confidence and self love. “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It’s self-preservation, and that is an act of political war fare” – Audre Lorde.

    Also, your writing is so warm โค

    Liked by 2 people

    1. About people reflecting their own insecurities on those around them…. I couldn’t have said this any better!. Thanks for complimenting my writing, and for reading and commenting.

      Like

  4. This was a great read. About what to wear on graduation, the kitenge bit got me too. You can slay in anything as long as you know how to make it work for you. I personally put on a dress that had kitenge for grad last year and it was not only cute but also unique haha (look at me blowing my own trumpet). Anyways, thanks for this Mercy.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. So am here reading through yo blog as usual….Yes Atim am a silent stalker hihihi n I just vividly remember that girl saying those things๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚…please before I start ranting again, let just say the black round dress is on its way to the tent on that unforgettable day….ok bye๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Y’all silent readers be stalking us.๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Yyyeesss whatever we want to wear will be at the tent with us!. Thanks for reading and commenting!.โคโค

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s